


Panic! At the disco

by rabiddog



Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Hinata Shouyou Being an Idiot, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kageyama Tobio Angst, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Miya Atsumu Being an Idiot, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27254152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabiddog/pseuds/rabiddog
Summary: Kageyama had thought that Atsumu loved him. He had thought that Hinata was his best friend.He was clearly wrong.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Kageyama Tobio/Miya Atsumu
Series: Whumptober 2020 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956667
Comments: 23
Kudos: 247





	Panic! At the disco

Hinata’s arms wound up around Atsumu’s broad shoulders, a soft tinkle of laughter leaving the short ginger as he stared up into the blonde’s dark eyes. The pair was stood alone in a back corridor, having finally found a moment of silence that was just for the two of them, and it was incredible. 

Shoyo honestly didn’t think he’d ever felt more in love at that moment, especially as his own, adoring gaze matched Atsumu’s, which was practically a mirror image. They were perfect together, and Hinata never wanted to leave the older man’s arms. 

Atsumu simply responded to Hinata’s quiet laugh and blistering smile with one of his own, the sound a little deeper but just as enthusiastic and endeared. 

“I love ya’, Shoyo,” Miya sighed softly, his large hands drifting to the ginger’s waist, and he gave it a light squeeze. 

Hinata’s grin only appeared to widen at the gentle motions. “I love you too, ‘Tsumu.” 

Kageyama hastily turned away from the scene with a gag, shoving himself back behind the wall he’d initially come from. He honestly, truly couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe what he’d seen – what had just transpired, because that was _his_ boyfriend Atsumu, locking lips with Kageyama’s best friend since high school, Hinata. Tobio felt sick to his stomach. 

Well, he felt more than just sick. Tobio felt like his whole world; his entire world had suddenly stopped spinning as if everything in time had frozen all at once, and there was absolutely nothing that he could do about it. He was stuck, floating in an almost catatonic state with wide eyes and a frantic heart. 

Kageyama’s thoughts were racing at a mile-a-minute, his heartbeat rising considerably, and so were his shuddering groans. 

Each short, gasping breath that managed to escape past Tobio’s bitten lips only appeared to leave trails of pain in his overworked lungs. He felt as if sharp, jagged needles were slowly sinking into his flesh, imbedding themselves within his shaking body. A part of him wanted to scratch at his skin until it all went away. Until this feeling of resentment and pain went away. 

Tobio couldn’t deal with it. 

He couldn’t deal with the fact that he just wasn’t good enough; why wasn’t he good enough? Why hadn’t he been enough for Atsumu? Or hell, even Hinata? Why hadn’t his best friend respected him and his relationship enough to keep away from them? Couldn’t he have stayed away? 

Kageyama could barely think as his legs buckled underneath him, his lithe body scraping awkwardly against cold bricks as he sunk down. 

Tobio rocked forwards when he finally reached the ground, his long legs drawn up to his heaving chest, and his pale arms wound around them to keep them almost secure. He was rocking, rocking, rocking. Fragmented sentences were leaving his torn lips even without his knowledge, his mind far too frazzled by jumping thoughts and racing memories for him to focus on what his mouth was doing. 

Tobio couldn’t breathe any more; he couldn’t see anymore; he couldn’t live anymore. 

Was he just being dramatic? Was he acting as if his whole world had ended when it... it really hadn’t? Because he could live without them, of course, he could. He was Kageyama Tobio. He’d played in the Olympics when he was just 19, and he could join pretty much any professional team that he so wished. He was incredible on his own. 

His- his life didn’t revolve around Hinata and Atsumu, right? They weren’t his pillars through everything, right? 

Hinata surely wasn’t the one he went to when he was panicking; he wasn’t the light in Kageyama’s life that kept him running. And, it wasn’t like Atsumu was the one that Tobio knew he could always rely on no matter what; it wasn’t like Atsumu was the only person that Kageyama had ever properly opened his heart up for. Right? 

But that wasn’t true. 

Even throughout Kageyama’s mental free-fall into insanity, and his desperate, wheezing breaths, he knew that he was just lying to himself. 

Hinata really had been his everything, and so had Atsumu. Kageyama had genuinely thought that they’d be friends forever, as cheesy as that might sound. He respected and loved them with everything inside him, but perhaps they didn’t love him back. 

Perhaps he and Hinata’s friendship had been a lie all along? Perhaps he and Atsumu’s year-long relationship had been, just nothing? 

Kageyama could have, maybe, tried to accept that they didn’t need him anymore, in any sense whatsoever, if they’d outright told him. He just couldn’t handle the fact that they’d lied. That they’d gone behind his back to do this, and not even tell him- 

Tobio hunched over even further with the last thought, salty, fat droplets bleeding down over his reddened cheeks. Oh god, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this at all. How was he supposed to live without them? How was he supposed to function like an average human in society? 

Kageyama had grown so, so dependant on the two rather outgoing and lively people, that he’d never had to worry about his anxiety or anything of the sorts. 

Life had been good for him, incredible even, but now he was supposed to do this by himself? Was he supposed to try and move on with his life alone? Who would talk him down from his attacks, who would help him when he couldn’t ride a tram by himself, who- 

Dark splodges were quickly taking over Kageyama’s vision, invading his blurred eyesight like a thousand tiny soldiers. He felt as if he was going to gag all over again. His head was spinning; his stomach was turning; his hands were shaking. 

Kageyama felt as if he’d lost his grip on reality as if everything was slowly melting around him. Where had his color gone? Why was everything suddenly so cold and monochrome? 

Tobio’s last thoughts were of Hinata’s blinding smile and Atsmu’s roaring laughter as he succumbed to the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> CC: [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/rabiddogs)  
> Twitter: [Wilbyz](https://twitter.com/wiIbyz)


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